Foolishness

In 20 years I'll be...
"an animal shelter worker. I'll also be a missionary in Africa or Australia. I want to see cheetahs and kangaroos. I want to save cheetahs. They are becoming extinct next to the tiger. Wildlife and nature will be gone soon and parks and a few territories will be the only things left. Then I hope Jesus Christ comes and the world will be perfected."

When I was ten years old, I packed all of my things in boxes, sold everything that didn't fit, and moved to Houston, Texas with my family. The Dominican Republic had been my home for my short little lifetime, and it was ten years of sheer bliss. I spent my hours reading, cavorting through the local dump and the nearby hills, catching snakes and tarantulas and bugs and lizards, giving my parents headaches, my sisters a hard time, and getting my brothers in trouble. I loved school and I loved church, I loved my friends, and I loved my country. I loved being Dominican.

The change was drastic. Houston heat was nothing to sniff at. No one went outside. People looked at you strangely from the windows of cars and houses if you were outside, enjoying the sunshine. Poisonous snakes were common, and even the lizards avoided the heat. Everything was cooped up in neat, developmental residences, and everything seemed distant. Including my school, which was a 30 minute drive. Not three weeks after we arrived, I started fifth grade at a Christian school. I had no idea what to expect.

My favorite elementary school memory is...
"When I had my first day here, I was in 5th grade. I was nervous. Everyone was so friendly and nice (excited, too), but I was nervous. The first class ended. I was still nervous. The second class came and went. I was still nervous. The last class ended. School was over. I was still nervous. I found my mom's car and we drove home. I was still nervous. Mom asked me how my day was. I said, 'Well, I was nervous.'"

I grew up in a very strong Christian home. I don't remember exactly how it was instilled in me--I don't remember any particular lessons my parents taught me about God or Jesus, or what any of it had to do with me. I somehow understood that God knew who I was, and not only that, but he cared about me and loved me even more than my parents did, and I knew they were the two people on earth who loved me and cared about me the most. When we moved, I remember praying furiously for God to send us back to the Dominican Republic, my home. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted to catch garden snakes and lizards with my brothers. I wanted our maid, Maria, to cook for us, and tell us to get her glasses of water while she worked. I wanted to walk down to el colmado and buy four pieces of Double Bubble mint gum for a peso--six, if we were lucky--and pan de agua for my mom. I wanted to climb the tree in our backyard and walk along its length to the top of the back shed and sit under the platanos leaves.

I just wanted to go back.

The first day of school was easy enough. I was asked whether I was a Longhorn or an Aggie, and I--having no idea what a longhorn or an aggie were--chose to be an Aggie. I had my name mispronounced in every classroom, by everyone, was teased for being from the "doctor," since I had neglected to realize that my peers did not fondly refer to the Dominican Republic as the "D.R.", and I finally left school with a sense of dread sitting heavily in my stomach.

Not long after, I began to fit in a little bit better. I got good grades, which made my teachers fond of me, and I learned that people in Texas were not like my beloved friends back home. Here, people smiled and put out a welcome mat, but after a while, that Southern hospitality died out, and I was left to my own devices. I got along with my peers, though, and that was enough for me and for them. My praying efforts doubled.

By the end of the year, I had started to adjust. I learned quickly that people were not to be trusted, that I was easily an A student, and that I would never fit into the Texan environment. I had been betrayed, mistreated, bullied, and more just within a fifth grade environment, things which I had never before experienced in the Dominican Republic. God had never been more important.

In Elementary School, the life lesson I have learned is...
"to be kind to others and accept Jesus as my Saviour and have faith in Him. It can help me when I'm in a fight and He will say, "Leave them alone! What have they done to you that will affect your life?" Listen when He tells you things. I have learned that to be kind, you have to give (not get) love, and live for it. You can give anyone a present or give them love. God will reward you with great riches if you love spiritually."

These were my fifth grade words at the end of the year banquet held in honour of our passing into middle school. These were the words of an eleven-year-old. I'm actually shocked. If someone asked me this question now, my answer would have been similar to those of my classmates--"Never talk during school." "If I do what I am told, I will get rewarded." "Never lie to your parents about homework."

But how is it that I, as an eleven-year-old, had enough wisdom to know that the petty prattling of a fifth-grader wouldn't affect the rest of my life? How is it that I understood that treating others kindly was more than simply being nice, but by living a life of love with no expectation beyond God's blessing? How is it that my eleven-year-old self knew more about leading a godly lifestyle than I do now, ten years later?

"Charis Irene Medendorp, daughter of John and Susan Medendorp, began attending CCS in the fifth grade. Charis' life verse is 1 Corinthians 1:18 -- 'For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.'"

I think it's high time I start taking my faith seriously--living a life of love is no easy thing.

The Fashionable Christian

http://pastorfashion.com/about/

Look at this site.

Just look at it. Feel free to browse for a while. Read up.

Now that you've done that, let's think about fashion for a bit. What have you always thought of when it comes to fashion? What does fashion inspire? What does fashion focus on?

Physical appearance.

Now, think about yourself. Do you consider yourself fashionable? Are you always fashionable? Does being fashionable raise your sense of worth? Does fashion make you a better person? Once again, what does fashion focus on?

Physical appearance.

Now, don't think I'm being too harsh yet. I'm just asking questions. I just want to know a few things about fashion, you know? There are a few good quotes about fashion, such as one by Vivienne Westwood, who said, "Fashion is very important. It is life-enhancing and, like everything that gives pleasure, it is worth doing well." Adriana Lima was also quoted to say, "Fashion is not just beauty, it's about good attitude."

While this is all very well-meaning, I would also like to point out that I had to scroll through five pages of quotes about fashion to find ones that said good things about it. Fashion seems to be a societal monster that more people resent than glorify.

So why is it being glorified in the church? All of the sudden, the only way to appeal to anyone is by dressing well, and pumping up our speeches, and talking about things no one wants to talk about. What happened to preaching the truth in its rawest form?

Christianity seems to have turned into something we're selling, a consumer product. For some reason, Christianity seems to be about looking better than everyone else, and making lots of friends, and being socially in tact, and judging everyone for everything, and I'm here to tell you that THAT is not my Christianity.

The website above is quoted to say, "Why can’t the men and women of God set the standard for the rest of the world in fashion as well as faith?" It is also quoted to say (just in case people like me noticed), "We’re not trying to be like the world…we just want to be fashionable while we try to change it!"

I will admit, my first and foremost thought was that this website is encouraging Christians to conform to the pattern of the world. Fashion is, after all, about appearing a certain way, projecting a certain image. At what point, though, are people more curious about the image than about what we're supposed to be sharing with them?

My thoughts began to change, though. I wasn't angry--all I could think of is whether the people Jesus associated with were really the most fashionable. The disciples. Do you think they wore new robes when they started following Christ? Do you think they all went out and bought new sandals so people would like them more and listen to them more? Think of the people Jesus encountered: prostitutes, beggars, lepers. Do you think they were concerned with how Jesus was dressed?

And think of this--when Christ was crucified, the only clothing he wore was a crown of thorns. Now, unless that's starting to come into style, I think we ought to be rethinking our priorities. 

Christianity has always been for the people who don't fit in, the people whose identities are lost in something dark. My confidence comes from the fact that I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, not because I'm wearing jeans that I bought at the mall, or brand-name boots. How do I explain how sick it makes me feel that we've been reduced to this...pretty building full of pretty people with nothing to teach me except that I need to look good and I need to raise my hand and come to the front and dedicate my life to Christ.

That's not my Christianity. That's not what my Christ taught. 

The people I think about when I think of Christianity are the people who don't fit in. Christianity appeals most to those who need something solid to stand on to prevent them from falling into the very bottom of the pit. 

It's the teenage boy who people keep calling a goth who lives in a broken home and is shunned by his peers because of the rumours that he has an anger problem. Do you think he's going to be reached with the message that he is loved and he is enough and that God doesn't care what he looks like or who his peers thinks he is because God made him after His own image and gave Himself on the cross so He could have the chance to be with His child by someone wearing a perfect smile and a nicely starched shirt and slim, but not too skinny jeans? Really? 

It's the middle aged divorced woman with two kids who wears frumpy clothes and limp hair and goes to church with a friend for the first time and is encountered by judgmental looks for her attire, because they've all been reading up on their fashion tips this week, and clearly, Miss Middle-Aged Divorcee does not fit the bill. Do you think she's going to be reached and told that she is loved and she is enough and that God doesn't care what she looks like or how people look at her because God made her after His own image and gave Himself on the cross so He could have the chance to be with His child by one of these women with a slim figure and jewelry matching her nails and a flattering dress with matching heels?

It's the broken and the down-trod, people whose burdens are heavy and who are so, so weary. We are not preaching the gospel of the Fashionable Christ. We are preaching the gospel of God in a man who went through the worst so that we didn't have to fit in. We are preaching a gospel of otherwise unattainable joy, of peace beyond our understanding. We are preaching something that has nothing to do with fashion.

I've never been all too impressed with Christians who dress well. I've always found them to be somewhat...well, the most accurate word is "desperate," but people don't like that word, so I'll say...lacking. I have always found myself instinctively thinking that outer beauty is compensating for a certain lack of inner beauty. And that, my friends, does not impress me at all. So what are we so desperate for, Christians, when we have what no one else offers? 

We are preaching something that no one else can offer. We're preaching the right not to fit in, because there is something so much greater than what we look like. Our goal isn't to win people over to Christianity. It's not about how many people you save. It's about bringing the message that we're created for an entirely different world, that we're no longer bound to the constructs of society and sin, that we've been freed because of this man named Jesus Christ, and it doesn't matter what we wear, because we're reborn into a new spirit that radiates into our physical appearance as something no accessory can match.

Worth

I am worth it.

It's like a mantra we must chant to ourselves in order to make us believe it.

I am worth it.

Girls are fragile. Yes, they can be tough, and yes, they can be strong, but most of the time, girls are just fragile. It's not a bad thing. They are made this way. They are very emotional creatures, even when acting emotionless. That's because girls are very complex.

I am worth it.

A girl's worst fear seems to lie in not being enough. This is silly, of course. Not enough for whom? What person is enough?

I am worth it.

And what is it? Worth time? Worth effort? Worth loving? Worth losing? What is it girls want to be worthy of, exactly? Glory? Power? Existence?

I am worth it.

What is a girl worth, after all? There are millions of girls on this planet; why is it that they all desire some sense of worth?

I am worth it.

What if it's not about worth? What if it's not about earning something? What if girls stopped trying so hard to attain something without knowing what it is? What if girls realized that worth only comes from ones own perspective? No person can measure the worth of another person. Why is it that girls don't understand this?

I am worth it.

I know this, because my worth doesn't lie in other people. I love myself. I love myself even when I hate myself, because no other person in this entire universe can be me. It doesn't matter what I look like or what I wear or how people treat me. My worth doesn't lie in how I treat others, or what I eat for breakfast or how often I exercise. My worth doesn't lie in anything but the fact that I am.

I am worth it.

My worth lies in the fact that I am constantly changing. My existence relies on change--my worth lies in the fact that I am different from the person I was a moment before. At the beginning of this post, I was another person, and now, I am different. Even as I write this, I am changing. This is how people are, this is how they exist. Each moment is a new moment, and in each moment, I am a new person. Nothing can tie me to the previous moment but myself. People will try to make sure that doesn't happen. People love to arrest change, to stunt growth, to make sure you are trapped in the body of the person you were moments and minutes, and days, and months, and years ago. People like to limit other people's worth in order to determine his or her own worth.

I am worth it.

People constantly change. I want to reiterate this fact. No matter how much they hold on to things, they are always changing.

I am worth it.

The only way to compare worth, however, is if it has discontinued change. This is what people don't seem to really understand. As constantly changing creatures, we are not comparable. The only thing we can compare our person with is the person we were moments before. We can only measure us against ourselves.

I am worth it.

Which is why it's silly that we girls have a problem with worth, and even more silly that we limit it to girls. We like to blame everyone else and say society puts so much more pressure on girls to be something of worth. But we are society.

I am worth it.

So who are you now? And who will you be in a moment, a minute, a day, a month, a year?

You will be you.

And you are worth it, because you are.

Appetite

I am a cavern, dark and vast.
I am an abyss, unfillable.
I am a monster, unsatisfiable.

Like space, my depths are immeasurable,
my edges incalculable.

Like the concept of time,
I never seem to end,
and I never seem to begin.


I never sleep.

Nothing,
nothing will break me.

Nothing can stop me.


Yes--I am the appetite of a girl in the middle of exam period.

Misunderstood

Being misunderstood is a big part of our lives. We spend our entire lifetime trying to be understood and failing. I mean, is there really someone out there who really understands us? I used to think it was easy to understand me. I like to think I'm a very straightforward person. Ask me a question, and I'll give you an answer.

That was until I started to realize that my answers usually began with, "Well, that really depends..."

Being understood completely is impossible. We can understand bits and pieces of another person, but it simply isn't possible to understand a person in his or her entirety. No matter how hard we try, we just can't. We don't go through the same experiences. We don't feel the same feelings. We don't even have the same ways of interpreting situations. Essentially, we can't understand another person entirely just because we aren't them. There's no getting around it.

What's worse is that we go on this mission to understand people and be understood before we even understand ourselves. I have spent my entire lifetime thinking I'm done surprising myself, but then I'll go off and do something that doesn't make any sense. I don't even understand myself. How can I possibly attempt to understand another person or expect someone to understand me? It's impossible!

The most difficult part of all this, though, is not just accepting it, but embracing it. For some reason, the human mind is inexplicably attracted to mystery. We inevitably want to know what we don't know. Recently, I discovered the mystery of my own existence. That's right, kids, embrace being misunderstood, because the day you are completely understood is the day that you are no longer a unique person. And it's not even that you've become like everyone else and lost your sense of identity--you've lost something that makes you inherently human. And that, my friend, is a very scary thing to wish for.

So try to think about that next time you're begging to be understood by someone. No one is even remotely understood, and that's part of what makes you you. Next time you're wishing for someone to understand you, remember that you're intrinsic identity lies in the fact that there are things about you that no one will really understand. Turn that into a source of strength, because that something that no one understands is yours. And remember that about the people who are around you every day. There are things you will never understand about them, and that is what makes them them. Isn't that just amazing? That we are all so incredibly complex that we can't understand each other, and yet, here we are, living in community, understanding that none of us are the same! If that doesn't shock and amaze you, you are a dog, and ought to be put outside and fed kibble for the rest of your life. Revel in the incredibility of human kind. It's amazing.

Girls Are Relationally Stupid, Too

There are a lot of stupid things on the internet about how guys should treat girls. Some of them are true. Most of them, however, just need to cool it, because everyone knows every relationship is different. It's ones like the one above, though, that really tick me off.

I mean, read it. Do you see these? They're commands. Do this, Mr. Right. Do that. Don't do this. Don't do that. Right, okay, sure, every girl wants someone who knows when to shut up, but at what point do these commands turn into a long attempt to prevent every girl ever from getting hurt? It won't work, sadly, because that's just part of relationships. How will you ever know you have the right kind of guy unless you get to know what kind of person he is before you start dating him? I mean...call me old-fashioned, sure, but don't you think maybe there should be the getting-to-know before the romantic relationship? No wonder most marriages end up in divorce.

But I'm here today to dispel these sorts of posts. That's right men, disregard them! If you do all of these, it's not a relationship you're in, it's a dictatorship, and guess what--you're not the dictator. That's right, you're dating a dictator. Enjoy. Well, you know, if you're into that.

1. If your girl isn't comfortable with her body, or her clothes, or her face, or her hair, then yeah, you probably shouldn't make fun of her. But you do happen to be dating someone who is highly insecure. So rather than having her sink into her hole of insecurity, you should be working with her on building confidence. But don't just take my word for it, dudes...brains are sexy these days. Make some use of it. Personally, I don't think anyone who isn't comfortable with him or her self should be dating. But then again, I'm pretty old-fashioned for someone my age.

2. I am personally fluent in sarcasm, and if my boyfriend wasn't, then there'd be problems; HOWEVER, just because I can handle it like a pro (and, let's face it, I am a pro) doesn't mean every girl can. But again, I have to point out the insecurity issue. This girl's got problems. If you and your girl can't joke around and be sarcastic, there's something wrong, and it's not all you, kiddo. Granted, there is always a line, and you should probably know where it is. Sarcasm is usually intended to belittle others, so know where your boundaries are, and (because relationships are about sacrifice), you should probably know where her boundaries are, too.

3. Flirt with other girls? Flirt with other girls!?? Wait. I should probably clarify--are these rules for people who are in a relationship? Or is this for girls who like a guy who doesn't really actually know if he likes her? Because the difference then is HUGE! Monumental! Because if you're not in a relationship, boyo, this girl is off her rocker. Boys flirt. So do girls. In fact, boys and girls flirt almost instinctively. But you should know what flirting is if you're in a relationship and your girl says you're flirting. At this point, I hope she knows that you smiling and waving at a friend of yours who happens to be female is not necessarily flirting. Inviting her over for a sleepover, on the other hand, is probably out of the question. Have a little common sense, please. But you should always feel free to ask your girl what her idea of flirtation is, so (if you really love her) you can make some changes, or (if her ideas reveal her as a crazy jealous dictator) you can try to come to a compromise. If she won't let you talk to any girls, there's something wrong; but then again, if you're texting multiple girls pictures of your package, she should be dumping your ass.

4. This one I agree with. No excuses for cheating. Unless, of course, you're not dating this random stalker girl who likes you who you don't know likes you. But if you cheat on a girl, no matter how many times she takes you back, she can't trust you again. Cheating is my biggest no-no. I am a surprisingly forgiving person in relationships, but I learned that men seem to think that getting away with it once means they can get away with it multiple times. I think once is stupid enough. I'd never want any part of you near me if I'd know it was near another woman.

5. Sure, if you don't make promises you can't keep, she can't either. That's just a good idea all around. But of course you're gonna make promises you can't keep. You're probably gonna promise never to hurt her. Then you'll tease her about the accidental line of mascara she didn't notice, and she (who happens to feel particularly vulnerable that day, because for some reason girls have those days...I, personally, do not, but I also seem to be an abnormal breed of female) will be hurt, and look at you, bastard, you just broke your promise. You'd better hope she forgives you. Which, if she's any decent human being, she will.

6. "I love you," is a phrase that is readily used to mean something along the lines of, "I like you a lot, but there really isn't an in-between for like and love, so I guess I'll just say I love you, and then when I figure out that maybe that isn't love, I'm just screwed." Girls say it, too. It's supposed to be an alternative for, "I care about you," or "I feel like we connect on a level that I don't think I've connected on with another person before" (which, despite being horrendously constructed grammar, is probably accurate for you average people), or "I have no idea what love is, so I'm gonna say I love you because I have strong attractions to you." If people treated the words, "I love you" with more respect and had a little patience for relationships (which, I'm assuming, poor reader, that you don't, because most people don't), then they'd know that if they keep exploring their relationship, it's almost never love when you want to say it. I've had to bite the words back myself, to make it really mean something. I still haven't said it to my current boyfriend, and I'm fairly sure I've never had a better relationship in my life. Because I know that if I wait to say it, and wait, and wait, and wait, even when I really, really, really want to say it, that some day, maybe someday close, and maybe someday not so close, my lips will open along with my heart, and I will say NOT when I am full of emotion, and NOT when I'm trying to convince myself, and NOT when I'm trying to guilt-trip him into loving me, but rather when it's quite and unexpected, and I've been thinking and preventing myself from saying it for so long that I am absolutely positive that no other words could describe what I feel for him...then, and only then, will I say, "I love you." So if you don't mean it, and you say it, you'd better think of a really extravagant way of telling her when you really do, or else she'll never believe you. And you'd better hope she does the same.

7. Lies are a part of everyday life, unfortunately. But everyone knows there are different kinds of lies. You should never lie unreasonably, and if you must, you'd better hope it's worth more to you than your relationship, because that's probably what it's gonna cost you. She, on the other hand, shouldn't be snooping around all the time. Everyone knows relationships are based on trust. If you lie, she can't trust you, and you can't trust her not to be looking out for it, either. But girls lie, too, and no, their biggest lie isn't "I'm fine." It's usually something bigger and scarier than that. The "I'm fine," lie ought to be treated as if it was true, in my opinion.

8. Well, yeah, any person who is confronted with the truth should probably not deny it. Especially if there is undeniable proof. And to be honest, it won't matter if you deny it or not, she's dumping you anyway. She just wants you to admit to it, which, if you're a man, you will, and you'll accept your consequences and newlyfound singleness. And if you're a girl confronting your man about something, make sure it is undeniable proof. Otherwise, you might end up accepting newlyfound singleness.

9. They say pressure makes diamonds, but the fact is that you girl is not a diamond. If you're really looking for a meaningful relationship, you shouldn't pick a girl who can't stand up to pressure. Those relationships are always short-lived. I don't even know how it still happens, but it does. And don't let her pressure you--girls tend to make men the bad guys for pressuring them into physicality too soon, or, in less promiscuous cases, into deeper commitment sooner, in order that the physicality might happen on its own. Don't be fooled, though: women are the same. Girls, don't pressure your guy to say he loves you, or to be someone they're not. Don't pressure them to change their wardrobes or personalities, and don't pressure them to get engaged and plan the wedding and have a family by the time they've completed their teen years. I mean, come on! I feel like I shouldn't even have to tell you these things, kids--this is common sense! What is the purpose of dating? It is not to get to know each other. That should have already happened. You should know what each other are like before you date. You date to get to know each other on a deeper level than friendship. Seriously, is that really that old fashioned? Because last time I checked, those were the relationships not ending in total heartbreak.

10. Girls talk about guys all the time. Bitches. I will occasionally discuss female celebrities with my boyfriend. He and I both agree that Emma Watson is one good-lookin' lady. These sorts of issues come from insecurity--and I say again, if your girl is insecure, can you really hope for a meaningful relationship when all she thinks about is what people think about her?

11. There comes a time in every relationship when you talk about your exes. If you're smart, you won't have had many of them. If you're really smart, you'll be dating a girl who also doesn't have many of them. If either of you are any kind of mature, you'll have worked through your issues with the "last one" (rolly eyes, yes, yes), and will be able to discuss it. What you want to make sure, though, is that you really are completely over the last one, because if you haven't readjusted your world without the last one, you are not (NO, NOT EVER) prepared to be in another relationship. This goes for BOTH of you.

12. If you love a girl, why would you talk behind her back anyway? And if she's doing it, clearly you have some things you need to resolve.

13. If you ever change how you treat your girl in front of a certain crowd, there's a problem. If she, however, expects you to give her your full attention when you're hanging out with your guys, that is YET ANOTHER SIGN of insecurity. You are dating someone with serious issues. If, however, you're being a total jerk just to get a laugh out of your friends...or if she ever does the same to you (i.e. orders you around while she jabbers away at her friends), you should be wondering why this is. If your friends are putting that kind of pressure on you (that is, the pressure to be a dick to your girlfriend), you should question whether they're the kind of friends you want to have around, or whether they're really pressuring you. Maybe you're insecure.

14. This just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. If a girl's really complaining about this, she is simply dating a boy who sounds better suited to be single. Possibly forever.

15. If you don't know why your girl is mad at you, ASK. Who does this girl think she is, saying you should just apologise? What? I know I don't apologise if I don't know why someone's mad. It's not obvious you've done something wrong. Especially if she doesn't tell you. If she's mad at you, and you don't know why, chances are A) she found out something that you thought you were safe not mentioning, B) she's overreacting to something you had no idea would make her upset, nor should it, or C) she is misinformed. The most likely cases are B and C, but A happens sometimes--but then again, you won't know until you ASK. So if this girl thinks that she can get away with being mad without having to explain herself, she'd be better of dating a doormat; at least they're made to be walked all over.

16. Break up jokes are for people with strong, secure relationships. This photo was clearly typed up by someone with a lot of insecurity. Have some discretion. Date someone who isn't so insecure. And girls--have a little backbone. Don't date until you know you can be happy without a man. Clearly most of these stem from insecurity, and nothing healthy can come from that.

17. If she is actually overreacting, you can tell her, but be cautious. She will not like it, because if she is overreacting, she (rather unsurprisingly, at this point) will continue to overreact. Yeah. Don't feed that fire. I am prone to this, and when I am told that I am overreacting, I get so furious that I hyperventilate. But that's beside the point: the point is whether or not she really is overreacting. She will tell you what she is overreacting about, but you have to figure out why it is causing her to go rampant. This requires delving ("we have to go deeper..."). Ask questions (yeah, I know, right? Seriously, if you can't talk to your girl, she's not a girl worth having). People answer questions. It's what they're meant to do. People in stressful situations become calmer when they are asked questions. It's science. Look it up.

18. Seriously, this is a very insecure young woman. It also just proves the power of women, and the fact that we (women) know about the power of other women. Which is why images like this one shock and amaze me, because they blame men for all their issues. What? Whaaaaaat? Anyway, even if your girl claims that "It's not that I don't trust you, it's her I don't trust," clearly, she doesn't trust you to keep it in your pants around another woman. So really, it is that she doesn't trust you, which is something that should be addressed immediately. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend, no matter who he hangs out with, male or female. Neither should you, and neither should she. In fact, you should be more worried about her.

19. You should know when it's acceptable to make excuses and when it's not. If she doesn't tell you something is important to her and you forget it, she really can't blame you. If she does, you're pretty much screwed. If she forgets something, you bet your sorry ass she's gonna make excuses; she shouldn't expect you to be any less forgiving than she is.

20. Despite popular belief, men and women both do and say hurtful things when they're angry--not just men. And I can guarantee women do it more often, too. This is actually, I think, a rampant problem in relationships today. Girls are very into storming up and confronting you about something that makes them angry by immediately lashing out in attempts to make you hurt in any way possible. And if there's one thing girls instinctively know how to do, it's hurt. So yes, she's right in saying you men shouldn't lash out in anger, but she's being incredibly naïve if she thinks girls should get away with it.

So to sum it up, here are some tips:
a) Get to know your girl before you date her. And I mean, don't even think about dating her until you pretty much have already decided to marry her (exaggeration, don't panic). But if you don't get to know her and trust her on the friendship level, it's gonna be a bumpy journey getting to a good relationship, and about halfway through, you might find out things that make you wanna turn around and run, but you'll be in to deep, and now you'll have no choice but to hurt her, and she sure ain't gonna make it easy.

b) Make sure she knows her value, and make sure that she's the one telling herself, not you. If she can't stand on her own two feet without you, she's never going to be able to support you, either. Healthy relationships require two independent people. If she can't stand herself without you telling her constantly how valuable she is, then her value depends entirely on your presence, making not her, but you the valuable person. You're actually decreasing her value by catering to her lack of independence. You're crippling her potential. And if you can't stand yourself without her, she's doing the same. I'm not saying dependent people can't be in love and have good relationships; but I am trying to say that a relationship that is healthy and happy doesn't grow with two seeds in the same hole. Think of it in this way: You're a chestnut seed (don't give me that look, this is a really good analogy). If you and your girl are planted in separate holes, you each grow independently, but later, your branches and leaves interweave, and you both become even stronger. If, however, you've been growing pretty independently, and the gardener decides to pop another chestnut seed in with you, things get tricky. You can share your nutrients with her, and your sun with her, but the fact is that she can't grow while you're there, and you're having more trouble growing as well. A gardener that plants two seeds in one hole does it knowing that one of them will never grow. Treat your relationship the same way. No matter what your good intentions, science (in this case, the science would be psychology just doesn't let it happen.

c) Do something else with your life. There seems to be a weird emphasis on dating when you're, like, ten. So don't. There are way better things to do with your time. The fact is that you're never ready, so why rush into it? Take a look around. Observe other people's relationships. Figure out what you want the easy way--no one's heart gets unnecessarily broken, and hey--here's to one less ex in your life!

Wow. I did not mean for this to be a giant exposé on relationships. My apologies.

In Love with Light

Light is not a thing that can always be seen.

That is how we most often experience it, of course--light which comes in waves and particles, light which brings out colours deeper and richer than can be captured in paints or pictures, light which brings new life and radiance to things once dull and ordinary, which can be soft or harsh, all-encompassing or faintly glowing.

Light, however, cannot always be seen. It can be felt, as well. Sometimes, light is warmth. It is a searing heat or a glowing ember, an insulation or an isolation. It is a light touch, or a submersion, as if sometimes you only need to be gently reminded of its presence, and other times, gentle isn't reminder enough.

Light, still, cannot always be seen or felt. Sometimes, light can be heard. It's difficult to differentiate from the everyday sounds, but light can be heard in laughter, in the warm rustle of blades of grass, in the buzzing of bees. Sometimes, light can be heard in the spoken word. Light is laced in comforting words, permeating through honest words, and sometimes, just sometimes, light can be heard in the whisper of silence.

It's difficult, though, to imagine any of this without light. Light cannot only be heard, or only felt, or only seen. Light is most commonly seen, yes, but it cannot be seen without being felt, heard--even smelled and tasted, too. And there is nothing like the taste of light on your lips and the smell of the sunshine.

Light is attached to something deeper, richer, more full of colour and power and tangibility than it is ever described, and it is that something that light is laced with that is like a drug; grow attached to such a light, and one cannot prevent it from splashing brightly through veins, leaving a glowing residue of light in every look, every touch, every word--it invades and changes, in a way that takes over and leaves one breathless,

and even if one were to break the addiction, it would be far too late, for how can one rid oneself of something that has so permanently altered one's existence? And who would part with something which causes such wonder and beauty and light?

I am in love with light,
and with the something
to which it is so irrevocably attached,
and nothing has ever made me feel
so light
in my life.

Charis Medendorp (2012)

Day 1: Preparations

Boy, is travel a whirl of excitement, then panic, then utter breakdowns of stress, then excitement again! The last few days have been spent in either sheer panic and complete despair that nothing will be ready and blissful, relaxed forgetfulness. At one moment I'm checking and double-checking everything, and another I'm browsing my favorite websites and watching television. What's wrong with me? I can't seem to balance these extremes.

It happens every time I travel, but this time, it's even worse. Why? Instead of a flight to Houston or a trip to Wisconsin, I've landed myself on two consecutive trips overseas--one over the Pacific, and the other over the Atlantic.

Okay, so technically they're the same landmass--let's not get picky. It's a big deal for me--I've been out of the country (thank God I have some experience with non-American culture), but never this far, and never this long. This spring, I'm going to East-Southeastern Asia for a month, and then to jolly ol' England for four more months. I get sixteen hours of being home in between flights. I also have no idea what time to set my clocks. Trust me, there's a reason for my sheer panic during this next week.

In Asia, I am touring Guangzhou, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Manila with one of my college's top choral ensembles: Capella. In the group of about 40 strong, I am a second soprano, and we (as a choir) have an intimidating repertoire. This experience is one of a lifetime to debut us internationally as a talented non-professional choir.

Immediately following this trip (that is to say, sixteen hours after my return from Asia), I head out to Britain for the rest of the semester, pursuing numerous traveling opportunities and saving up for our Spring Break, when we are let loose in London to find our ways back to York in three weeks' time. Of course, there's classes as well (that's what I'm there for, really!). I am currently enrolled for Phonetics, Creative Writing, and a sociology and history course both involving a study of the Olympics and Britain and sports. We have, rather unfortunately, arranged this trip under the Kinesiology department, due to the preparations for the Olympics in England for 2012, but thankfully, only a few of our class excursions are very sports-oriented. We do have several previously planned excursions to historic English sites such as Alnwyk Castle, a Manchester United match, and Edinburgh. Needless to say, I am tremendously excited.

I have prepared this blog (rather obviously) in an attempt to keep my friends and family updated--I will be posting photos, and as many descriptions of my journeys as possible. Unfortunately, I will not have my laptop in Asia, which means I will not be able to post very much very often, but I will do my best to keep in touch.

I based the name of this blog on a particular quote by Mark Twain. It's a rather popular one, so I'm sure you'll have heard it before, but it goes something like this: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." I decided it's about time I catch the trade winds in my sails.

I'm young, I'm versatile, I'm ready to explore this incredible world, achieve and revise my dreams, and discover things about myself, others, and this fascinating universe.

It's my time for catching the trade winds.

Dear Gavin, Rest in Peace

Dear Gavin,

Today I discovered third-hand that you were dead.

My mother had no more information that that; just that you were dead. I remembered you were in the Navy and you were so, so proud. I remembered last time I saw you, I congratulated you, and then I avoided you.

We were never good friends, and I know people were often impatient with you, myself included. You were mocked, you were disliked, and you were downright hated.

My only hope is that you knew, at some point, that you were also loved, liked, and appreciated. I hope that you knew God and that God knew you. I hope you’re with Him, rejoicing in what you always were: a child of God.

I wish people had treated you better, myself included, and shown you what we ought to be showing every person we encounter. I hope you knew that some of us really were proud of you for getting into the Navy, and proud of you for staying there. I hope you knew, even if only very, very briefly.

I wish I had the chance to say I’m sorry: I’m sorry I didn’t treat you better, I’m sorry I got impatient with you often, I’m sorry you felt like you had to lie to fit in, I’m sorry you even wanted to fit in. I’m sorry your family struggled, I’m sorry God was hard for you to find at our church, I’m sorry we weren’t prouder of you, I’m sorry we didn’t show you that we loved you. I'm sorry I didn't take the time to know you better as a friend and equal. I’m sorry.

And I hope, finally, that you’re resting in that peace that some of us never really quite understood.

Wings of Wax

We will not wait for the
experts to
explain to us what it means
to be excellent.
We will not wait for our
parents and professors to
give us permission
to spread our wings.
We are the young;
like every good thing,
we leave,
we thrive;
we love,
we lose,
and with freedom weighing us down,
we drown in our own
miry individuality,
calling on
someone
to grasp our hand
and guide our way:
someone,
anyone,
but them.

Charis Medendorp (2011)

I wrote this while sending an email to myself (which I do a lot). I found it today when I wondered what this one unread email could be. Strange, how you lose things.