Girls Are Relationally Stupid, Too

There are a lot of stupid things on the internet about how guys should treat girls. Some of them are true. Most of them, however, just need to cool it, because everyone knows every relationship is different. It's ones like the one above, though, that really tick me off.

I mean, read it. Do you see these? They're commands. Do this, Mr. Right. Do that. Don't do this. Don't do that. Right, okay, sure, every girl wants someone who knows when to shut up, but at what point do these commands turn into a long attempt to prevent every girl ever from getting hurt? It won't work, sadly, because that's just part of relationships. How will you ever know you have the right kind of guy unless you get to know what kind of person he is before you start dating him? I mean...call me old-fashioned, sure, but don't you think maybe there should be the getting-to-know before the romantic relationship? No wonder most marriages end up in divorce.

But I'm here today to dispel these sorts of posts. That's right men, disregard them! If you do all of these, it's not a relationship you're in, it's a dictatorship, and guess what--you're not the dictator. That's right, you're dating a dictator. Enjoy. Well, you know, if you're into that.

1. If your girl isn't comfortable with her body, or her clothes, or her face, or her hair, then yeah, you probably shouldn't make fun of her. But you do happen to be dating someone who is highly insecure. So rather than having her sink into her hole of insecurity, you should be working with her on building confidence. But don't just take my word for it, dudes...brains are sexy these days. Make some use of it. Personally, I don't think anyone who isn't comfortable with him or her self should be dating. But then again, I'm pretty old-fashioned for someone my age.

2. I am personally fluent in sarcasm, and if my boyfriend wasn't, then there'd be problems; HOWEVER, just because I can handle it like a pro (and, let's face it, I am a pro) doesn't mean every girl can. But again, I have to point out the insecurity issue. This girl's got problems. If you and your girl can't joke around and be sarcastic, there's something wrong, and it's not all you, kiddo. Granted, there is always a line, and you should probably know where it is. Sarcasm is usually intended to belittle others, so know where your boundaries are, and (because relationships are about sacrifice), you should probably know where her boundaries are, too.

3. Flirt with other girls? Flirt with other girls!?? Wait. I should probably clarify--are these rules for people who are in a relationship? Or is this for girls who like a guy who doesn't really actually know if he likes her? Because the difference then is HUGE! Monumental! Because if you're not in a relationship, boyo, this girl is off her rocker. Boys flirt. So do girls. In fact, boys and girls flirt almost instinctively. But you should know what flirting is if you're in a relationship and your girl says you're flirting. At this point, I hope she knows that you smiling and waving at a friend of yours who happens to be female is not necessarily flirting. Inviting her over for a sleepover, on the other hand, is probably out of the question. Have a little common sense, please. But you should always feel free to ask your girl what her idea of flirtation is, so (if you really love her) you can make some changes, or (if her ideas reveal her as a crazy jealous dictator) you can try to come to a compromise. If she won't let you talk to any girls, there's something wrong; but then again, if you're texting multiple girls pictures of your package, she should be dumping your ass.

4. This one I agree with. No excuses for cheating. Unless, of course, you're not dating this random stalker girl who likes you who you don't know likes you. But if you cheat on a girl, no matter how many times she takes you back, she can't trust you again. Cheating is my biggest no-no. I am a surprisingly forgiving person in relationships, but I learned that men seem to think that getting away with it once means they can get away with it multiple times. I think once is stupid enough. I'd never want any part of you near me if I'd know it was near another woman.

5. Sure, if you don't make promises you can't keep, she can't either. That's just a good idea all around. But of course you're gonna make promises you can't keep. You're probably gonna promise never to hurt her. Then you'll tease her about the accidental line of mascara she didn't notice, and she (who happens to feel particularly vulnerable that day, because for some reason girls have those days...I, personally, do not, but I also seem to be an abnormal breed of female) will be hurt, and look at you, bastard, you just broke your promise. You'd better hope she forgives you. Which, if she's any decent human being, she will.

6. "I love you," is a phrase that is readily used to mean something along the lines of, "I like you a lot, but there really isn't an in-between for like and love, so I guess I'll just say I love you, and then when I figure out that maybe that isn't love, I'm just screwed." Girls say it, too. It's supposed to be an alternative for, "I care about you," or "I feel like we connect on a level that I don't think I've connected on with another person before" (which, despite being horrendously constructed grammar, is probably accurate for you average people), or "I have no idea what love is, so I'm gonna say I love you because I have strong attractions to you." If people treated the words, "I love you" with more respect and had a little patience for relationships (which, I'm assuming, poor reader, that you don't, because most people don't), then they'd know that if they keep exploring their relationship, it's almost never love when you want to say it. I've had to bite the words back myself, to make it really mean something. I still haven't said it to my current boyfriend, and I'm fairly sure I've never had a better relationship in my life. Because I know that if I wait to say it, and wait, and wait, and wait, even when I really, really, really want to say it, that some day, maybe someday close, and maybe someday not so close, my lips will open along with my heart, and I will say NOT when I am full of emotion, and NOT when I'm trying to convince myself, and NOT when I'm trying to guilt-trip him into loving me, but rather when it's quite and unexpected, and I've been thinking and preventing myself from saying it for so long that I am absolutely positive that no other words could describe what I feel for him...then, and only then, will I say, "I love you." So if you don't mean it, and you say it, you'd better think of a really extravagant way of telling her when you really do, or else she'll never believe you. And you'd better hope she does the same.

7. Lies are a part of everyday life, unfortunately. But everyone knows there are different kinds of lies. You should never lie unreasonably, and if you must, you'd better hope it's worth more to you than your relationship, because that's probably what it's gonna cost you. She, on the other hand, shouldn't be snooping around all the time. Everyone knows relationships are based on trust. If you lie, she can't trust you, and you can't trust her not to be looking out for it, either. But girls lie, too, and no, their biggest lie isn't "I'm fine." It's usually something bigger and scarier than that. The "I'm fine," lie ought to be treated as if it was true, in my opinion.

8. Well, yeah, any person who is confronted with the truth should probably not deny it. Especially if there is undeniable proof. And to be honest, it won't matter if you deny it or not, she's dumping you anyway. She just wants you to admit to it, which, if you're a man, you will, and you'll accept your consequences and newlyfound singleness. And if you're a girl confronting your man about something, make sure it is undeniable proof. Otherwise, you might end up accepting newlyfound singleness.

9. They say pressure makes diamonds, but the fact is that you girl is not a diamond. If you're really looking for a meaningful relationship, you shouldn't pick a girl who can't stand up to pressure. Those relationships are always short-lived. I don't even know how it still happens, but it does. And don't let her pressure you--girls tend to make men the bad guys for pressuring them into physicality too soon, or, in less promiscuous cases, into deeper commitment sooner, in order that the physicality might happen on its own. Don't be fooled, though: women are the same. Girls, don't pressure your guy to say he loves you, or to be someone they're not. Don't pressure them to change their wardrobes or personalities, and don't pressure them to get engaged and plan the wedding and have a family by the time they've completed their teen years. I mean, come on! I feel like I shouldn't even have to tell you these things, kids--this is common sense! What is the purpose of dating? It is not to get to know each other. That should have already happened. You should know what each other are like before you date. You date to get to know each other on a deeper level than friendship. Seriously, is that really that old fashioned? Because last time I checked, those were the relationships not ending in total heartbreak.

10. Girls talk about guys all the time. Bitches. I will occasionally discuss female celebrities with my boyfriend. He and I both agree that Emma Watson is one good-lookin' lady. These sorts of issues come from insecurity--and I say again, if your girl is insecure, can you really hope for a meaningful relationship when all she thinks about is what people think about her?

11. There comes a time in every relationship when you talk about your exes. If you're smart, you won't have had many of them. If you're really smart, you'll be dating a girl who also doesn't have many of them. If either of you are any kind of mature, you'll have worked through your issues with the "last one" (rolly eyes, yes, yes), and will be able to discuss it. What you want to make sure, though, is that you really are completely over the last one, because if you haven't readjusted your world without the last one, you are not (NO, NOT EVER) prepared to be in another relationship. This goes for BOTH of you.

12. If you love a girl, why would you talk behind her back anyway? And if she's doing it, clearly you have some things you need to resolve.

13. If you ever change how you treat your girl in front of a certain crowd, there's a problem. If she, however, expects you to give her your full attention when you're hanging out with your guys, that is YET ANOTHER SIGN of insecurity. You are dating someone with serious issues. If, however, you're being a total jerk just to get a laugh out of your friends...or if she ever does the same to you (i.e. orders you around while she jabbers away at her friends), you should be wondering why this is. If your friends are putting that kind of pressure on you (that is, the pressure to be a dick to your girlfriend), you should question whether they're the kind of friends you want to have around, or whether they're really pressuring you. Maybe you're insecure.

14. This just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. If a girl's really complaining about this, she is simply dating a boy who sounds better suited to be single. Possibly forever.

15. If you don't know why your girl is mad at you, ASK. Who does this girl think she is, saying you should just apologise? What? I know I don't apologise if I don't know why someone's mad. It's not obvious you've done something wrong. Especially if she doesn't tell you. If she's mad at you, and you don't know why, chances are A) she found out something that you thought you were safe not mentioning, B) she's overreacting to something you had no idea would make her upset, nor should it, or C) she is misinformed. The most likely cases are B and C, but A happens sometimes--but then again, you won't know until you ASK. So if this girl thinks that she can get away with being mad without having to explain herself, she'd be better of dating a doormat; at least they're made to be walked all over.

16. Break up jokes are for people with strong, secure relationships. This photo was clearly typed up by someone with a lot of insecurity. Have some discretion. Date someone who isn't so insecure. And girls--have a little backbone. Don't date until you know you can be happy without a man. Clearly most of these stem from insecurity, and nothing healthy can come from that.

17. If she is actually overreacting, you can tell her, but be cautious. She will not like it, because if she is overreacting, she (rather unsurprisingly, at this point) will continue to overreact. Yeah. Don't feed that fire. I am prone to this, and when I am told that I am overreacting, I get so furious that I hyperventilate. But that's beside the point: the point is whether or not she really is overreacting. She will tell you what she is overreacting about, but you have to figure out why it is causing her to go rampant. This requires delving ("we have to go deeper..."). Ask questions (yeah, I know, right? Seriously, if you can't talk to your girl, she's not a girl worth having). People answer questions. It's what they're meant to do. People in stressful situations become calmer when they are asked questions. It's science. Look it up.

18. Seriously, this is a very insecure young woman. It also just proves the power of women, and the fact that we (women) know about the power of other women. Which is why images like this one shock and amaze me, because they blame men for all their issues. What? Whaaaaaat? Anyway, even if your girl claims that "It's not that I don't trust you, it's her I don't trust," clearly, she doesn't trust you to keep it in your pants around another woman. So really, it is that she doesn't trust you, which is something that should be addressed immediately. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend, no matter who he hangs out with, male or female. Neither should you, and neither should she. In fact, you should be more worried about her.

19. You should know when it's acceptable to make excuses and when it's not. If she doesn't tell you something is important to her and you forget it, she really can't blame you. If she does, you're pretty much screwed. If she forgets something, you bet your sorry ass she's gonna make excuses; she shouldn't expect you to be any less forgiving than she is.

20. Despite popular belief, men and women both do and say hurtful things when they're angry--not just men. And I can guarantee women do it more often, too. This is actually, I think, a rampant problem in relationships today. Girls are very into storming up and confronting you about something that makes them angry by immediately lashing out in attempts to make you hurt in any way possible. And if there's one thing girls instinctively know how to do, it's hurt. So yes, she's right in saying you men shouldn't lash out in anger, but she's being incredibly naïve if she thinks girls should get away with it.

So to sum it up, here are some tips:
a) Get to know your girl before you date her. And I mean, don't even think about dating her until you pretty much have already decided to marry her (exaggeration, don't panic). But if you don't get to know her and trust her on the friendship level, it's gonna be a bumpy journey getting to a good relationship, and about halfway through, you might find out things that make you wanna turn around and run, but you'll be in to deep, and now you'll have no choice but to hurt her, and she sure ain't gonna make it easy.

b) Make sure she knows her value, and make sure that she's the one telling herself, not you. If she can't stand on her own two feet without you, she's never going to be able to support you, either. Healthy relationships require two independent people. If she can't stand herself without you telling her constantly how valuable she is, then her value depends entirely on your presence, making not her, but you the valuable person. You're actually decreasing her value by catering to her lack of independence. You're crippling her potential. And if you can't stand yourself without her, she's doing the same. I'm not saying dependent people can't be in love and have good relationships; but I am trying to say that a relationship that is healthy and happy doesn't grow with two seeds in the same hole. Think of it in this way: You're a chestnut seed (don't give me that look, this is a really good analogy). If you and your girl are planted in separate holes, you each grow independently, but later, your branches and leaves interweave, and you both become even stronger. If, however, you've been growing pretty independently, and the gardener decides to pop another chestnut seed in with you, things get tricky. You can share your nutrients with her, and your sun with her, but the fact is that she can't grow while you're there, and you're having more trouble growing as well. A gardener that plants two seeds in one hole does it knowing that one of them will never grow. Treat your relationship the same way. No matter what your good intentions, science (in this case, the science would be psychology just doesn't let it happen.

c) Do something else with your life. There seems to be a weird emphasis on dating when you're, like, ten. So don't. There are way better things to do with your time. The fact is that you're never ready, so why rush into it? Take a look around. Observe other people's relationships. Figure out what you want the easy way--no one's heart gets unnecessarily broken, and hey--here's to one less ex in your life!

Wow. I did not mean for this to be a giant exposé on relationships. My apologies.